then and now

I was thinking about the differences between me trying to get healthy now, and the diets of my past that have all failed. The biggest thing is, that I'm not counting all of my calories. I'm more focused on the healthy aspect of things.

In past diets I was pretty much eating nothing but carbs. Yikes. For breakfast I'd have oatmeal, for lunch a sandwich, for a snack pretzels, and for dinner some sort of meat with pasta and a roll. Sure, I'd be in my calorie limit for the day, but all those processed carbs and starches always left me hungry for more. It seemed like I could never get enough and eventually (usually after a week) I'd binge. Maybe for a few days after I'd stick to the diet again, but then I'd binge again and then just say fuck it and give up.

I've come to realize that eating mostly vegetables is what I need. I'm trying so hard to do things differently, to do what is right for me - to be as healthy as I can. It's a little wild to think that you guys are reading this, complete strangers, and I'm pouring my feelings out in this blog. My hope for you all, is that everything I go through can help you. That you can relate to me and my experiences and know that you are NOT alone. Even though things are going okay for me at the moment, it's still hard. I'm still struggling with so much - mostly the person inside me telling me I'll fail again.

I want you to know that I'm here for you. All of you.